and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
