Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
