So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
