what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
