The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
