I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
