Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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