maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
