I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize