There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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