just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
