I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
