things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
