So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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