I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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