Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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