The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
