whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
