She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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