Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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