do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
