My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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