I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
