You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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