piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
