Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
