My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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