I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she peed on how many people?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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