glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
