No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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