saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
