So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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