I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
