Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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