She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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