When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
