I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
