D3 body, D1 cock
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
