the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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