Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize