I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
