please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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