she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mom said you looked used
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
