So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So much Jack, so little girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
