You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
