meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
