I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
