She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
