Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
