Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
