Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
