I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
