Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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