I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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