He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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