Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize