There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
