Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
