Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
