OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
