I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
