you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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