did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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