The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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