so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
