Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
